We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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