i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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