Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
