I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
