I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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