3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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