I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
