it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
