i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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