You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
