I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
