Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
