You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
