Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
