I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
