You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
