glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
