I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
