It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
