..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
