i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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