My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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