If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
