Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
