Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
