you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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