Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we're making bets on your personal life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
