you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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