Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize