I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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