You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
