How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
