There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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