i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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