I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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