my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize