Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Holy shit dude........stairs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
