How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
