if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
