They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
