he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
