I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
