nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Boobs are out for the taking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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