Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
