Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it was like eating out sand paper
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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