Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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