Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
