Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
