O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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