Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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