i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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