I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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