sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
