I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
