I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
