weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
