is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
