You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
