Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
