I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
