Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
