Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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