the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
