i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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