I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
