If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
